Contrary to what I once thought, young boys and girls walking together down the street together do not enjoy it when you yell, "Wear a condom!" to them out of the window of you 2001 black Honda Civic.
As the universe would have it, I am a graduated person; as my family tree would have it, I am the first male Jurich to receive a bachelor's degree. (This accomplishment is only made dubious by the fact that I've yet to receive my diploma in the mail.) I never anticipated this to be an exciting time -- I've seen many friends suffer through the strife of finding a purpose -- but I just didn't know it would be so hard!
With no real set schedule and no pressing deadlines, my life as of late has been a scavenger hunt of finding significance in each very paltry event. A few days ago, I treated myself to a Dairy Queen milkshake for FINALLY taking my camera in to get fixed.
Ever want to know what a lie your graduation ceremony was, what with the promise of great things and endeavors and other Seussical dreams?
Graduate.
It is truly a difficult thing to feel like a fully functioning human being when your only responsibility is to look for a job. I understand now why grad school seems so attractive, lest I forget there is a giant world out there that must be seen!
Although slightly downtrodden by my newly found -- yet appropriately deserved -- lethargy, I'm all the more encouraged by it. Almost overnight I seem to have become a miserable sot without a care in the world until my three-month grace period on financial aid is up. It is much easier for me to see now why living can be considered such a TASK, for it's not a job or a salary or even a family we want so much as a purpose. A purpose that comes with all those things.
Living, by its very definition, is selfish. To live life to its fullest.
[Author's Note: I actually hate that term, "live life to the fullest." It is a meaningless jumble of shit used only by people who don't know what else to put in the About Me section of their Facebook pages.]
Worse yet, I've done little to fight said lethargy and taste the life I desire. I told myself that I deserve this time off, that I've already worked hard. And while that is very true, I forget my youth. I keep thinking I'm enjoying a solid retirement. If you are confused by that, you should be. Who else can account for the fact that I haven't slept in my bed in the last week, but rather wherever it is that I happen to crash?
Purpose really is hard to come by. And much harder to define than we give it credit for. It's something we go our entire lives searching for and probably never find. So why bother? Most people are not happy doing what they do, so where does the journey end? That search is not only the most important part of the human experience, but isn't it the ONLY part? My friends, my jobs, my daily bathing rituals. All of it is just part of a very selfish desire I have to feel important or needed, right?
Right?
1 comments:
Get up of the couch, wash your face, put on a tie (OMG!), and trot on down to your local newspaper. The don't pay much, but go anyway. Show them your interested in finding yourself, and you're willing to write about other people. You'll find purpose.
Won't get rich, but you'll find purpose.
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